I’ll admit it… I have been in a rut lately. I have found myself dwelling on past hurts and disappointments. This has really brought me down and I am tired of it!
Before I continue, I am going to just tell it like it is and be “transparent”, as some would put it. My husband is an ordained minister and my family and I have served in churches (as both staff and as volunteers) for over 20 years. In early June, we began voluntarily helping a local start-up church that had recently split from a church that we had attended for 14 years. We put our hearts and souls into serving. My whole family was even able to help on the worship team. We even went so far as to purchase a bass guitar for me to learn to play since the worship team did not currently have a bassist (which, by the way, was one of the best things that I have done). We were in it for the long haul!
After just a little over a month, we began having some concerns. One of our main concerns was that the new church was putting similar bilaws into place that helped to split the past church. After a discussion with the head of the leadership, we realized that we did not agree with his personal vision for the church. We talked it over extensively as a family, and after much prayer, we decided that it was time for us to move on. The thing that totally breaks my heart is that I can count on just a few fingers the people who have reached out to us to let us know that we are missed. This has been beyond hurtful to me and I have had feelings of frustration, sadness, disappointment, and anger ever since.
I have now realized that I had fallen into my own trap. I was stuck. I was lingering on a situation that could not be changed. People had shown their true colors and it made me very sad! To think that we could just disappear and it not be noticed or cared about was beyond my comprehension.
Yesterday, it was like I was hit over the head with a ton of bricks. I realized that I have been wasting time. I have been letting those people and that situation over take me. I can never get those wasted moments back. I have been missing out on the present while remaining in the past and focusing on past hurts.
I was reminded of a few things. I was reminded that people will disappoint you. It is a part of life. I have also been reminded to NOT treat people as we have been treated. People are not disposable! They are not to be used and then thrown away as if their presence never mattered. What a lesson!
We all go through struggles and it is okay to think about these for a short while. If we continue to think about them though, we can not move forward. From this moment on, I am moving forward from those trenches! Positives can come out of negative situations, even if that positive is that you are no longer in that situation anymore. I am going to enjoy the search for another church. I am going to enjoy coming into contact with different people. I am going to continue the wonderful opportunity to being able to worship with my family. I am going to simply find enjoyment in the present.
In life, we often waste so much time focusing on what could have been or what we wish would have been that we miss out on what IS. Every day, there is something to enjoy. For me, I am going to take a deep breath and stop dwelling on my past hurts. It is beyond time to let them go! Captivity is over! Freedom awaits!!! It is time to remember to always ENJOY……
Written by Kathryn Conrad